Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
