I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
