Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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