so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
