probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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