Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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