your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
