i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
