god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
