I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
