we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You don't make any sense
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