i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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