What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
