My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
