good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
