do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
