just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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