mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
