i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
