She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
