my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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