I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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