Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
