He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize