I have demons in me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
