i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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