What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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