I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
