i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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