I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We are all done wearing pants today
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
