I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
