I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
