He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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