the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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