If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
