Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
