The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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