I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
