I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am one with the molecules
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
