id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
