I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
