Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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