we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
