My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
