Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
