I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
