Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
