oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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