I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
