I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
