Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I believe in your delicious
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
