I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
