Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
