just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
