Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize