Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
