I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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