Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
