you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize