This girl is more easily done than said...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He did a backflip because drugs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
