U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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