i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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