I love having hate sex.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
