the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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