I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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