we're blogging at a bar
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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