There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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